THE HEMISPHERE CUP
Sarge Makes 4th Hemisphere Cup Predictions
For a man immersed in Hemisphere Cup History, it was with disappointment that Sarge realised his one night of passion back in July would result in him missing this years event. (note to other competitors….Keep yourself under control nine months before the 2004 event!). He has though given us the benefit of his wisdom and given us a few predictions. We will of course check up on the success of these in a weeks time.
Graham will be the last northern player in the bar on both nights, although I hear he has now started to suffer SNS (second night syndrome) like the rest of us. I can just see the twinkle in his eye at the thought of all those malts.
Mike will continue to be the north's MVP. My on course correspondent tells me he has been practising hard.
Matt will continue to dominate the south's stats. Dave seems to be psychologically scarred after losing to me twice in fourballs since the last hemisphere cup.
Pete will probably keep the formidable partnership of Mike and Charles together. He may also be tempted to put Graham and new player Rene together. He will then be able to put the canon fodder of Julian and Ollie out together. It will be a stroke of genius if Pete can sacrifice the fodder against one of the south's better partnerships (if there is one).
Pete will surely be tempted to carry Julian around during one of the rounds. He knows Julian's game so well. He also knows that to find Julian's ball, you have to look exactly fifty yards in the opposite direction to where Julian is standing sighing in the rough. That being said, Pete should resist the calls from the team's left wing 'it's only a game' element. He must play himself with one of the low handicappers to ensure a valuable point.
I suspect Ross may be the north's secret weapon this year. By all accounts he has been practising hard. He also no longer has to wear his wrist bandage to protect the injury sustained after some over vigorous masturbating (Ernie Els suffered the same injury recently).
I think Paul M. may be a weakened force this year. I note that he is sharing with Paul C. and he is likely to be kept up very late while Paul C. tries out his latest extremely long jokes on him.
As for the overall result. In classic Ryder Cup style, I think the north will open up a lead of 3 points prior to the singles. The margin will be all but clawed back, but the north will sneak home by a half point with Julian sinking the winning putt (I don't really believe the last bit but you have to encourage him don't you?).
ps. Can I vote for Le Touquet as next year's venue if it hasn't been decided. Apparently you can fly there in a 12 seater from Lydd - I like the thought of a 'team plane' and it fits all the necessary criteria eg. good food and wine !!!!