THE HEMISPHERE CUP
Who wants to be Ryder Cup Captain?
Below is a copy of a letter sent to Ken Schofield from one of our players asking to be considered as our next Ryder Cup Captain. Enjoy…..
1 Manor Cottages
17 February 2003
Dear Mr Schofield,
I write in relation to an article by Lewine Mair that has just appeared in the 'Saturday Telegraph'. Mair talks about the 2004 Ryder Cup Captain and states "Though Sam Torrance.......has indicated that Woosnam was an obvious successor, the European Tour has now decided to adopt a more formal procedure. As a result, anyone who is interested in captaining the home team will need to send his letter of application to tour headquarters....". I would therefore like to put my name forward.
I have been playing golf some years and I feel I could have been a very good player if I had spent less time playing other sports in my formative years. I can be very long off the tee, although it is true to say that its not always in the right direction. So much so in fact, that my friends remark that if I was playing cricket it would be very difficult for an opposing captain to set a field for me. Mind you, if Oakland Hills is nice and open like Coulsden Court I should be alright.
I have a number of shots that can get me out of trouble. Most famous of these is the 'souffle shot'. This is for use when stuck behind a large bushy tree. The idea is that the ball travels for about five yards on a low trajectory and that when it has gone under the branches it rises quickly and adopts the normal trajectory of a 7 iron (I'm still working on this one).
I have been building up to the 2004 season for some time. I have been on the world famous 'White Wine Diet' for the last few months. As the name suggests, this diet relies on the dieter cutting out all alcohol except white wine - which you drink twice as much of. This has not been the unqualified success that I was hoping for, but I am going to keep it going anyway as my wife Helen likes white wine.
I feel I could do a very good job of motivating the team. Like Woosie, I would be the first in the bar and I would get every one a drink - as long as it was very weak lager. I feel that I know the tour players pretty well, having shouted encouragement at them when attending some of the tournaments. I also dislike some of the US players, in particular Mickleson who I have lost a large amount of money on in the bookmakers.
I have been sponsored for a number of years by 'Salomon' - you may realise that this is a ski gear manufacturer - but this would ensure that my team would be very well prepared if the weather turned nasty.
Another attribute which would be useful if I was to play 36 holes in one day is my 'iron bladder'. This has previously enabled me to watch all three days of the Ryder Cup on television without giving up the most comfortable seat.
I hope you will be able to put my name forward for the captaincy,
ps. If I don't have any luck with the captaincy, will you put my name forward for a 'wild card'. Thanks.